Growing up, I did not know much about romantic relationships – besides the fact that I wanted one totally different from my parents had.
I had my first serious boyfriend in college. He was super cool guy. Tall, dark, handsome, intelligent. I lost myself in him. If I had to choose one word to describe this relationship, I choose “young”.
My second serious relationship was with a pole opposite the first man. I was out of the comfort. My first relationship ended so badly; this relationship was a safe area. It’s like riding a bike with training wheels. I do not get hurt. Over time, this relationship also ended.
Then, I met the man I am today.
Our coexistence has taught me about a real relationship. Not the kind of romantic movie of the relationship; not the type to play games of the relationship; and certainly not the kind of purely lustful relationship – but a real relationship.
It was scary.
It was awesome.
There has been growth.
This is what I have learned (so far). And what I say now every woman who wants to have a real relationship also.
1. Growing up in dark times.
You’re not the same person I was yesterday, much less six months ago. You know that will change (and that’s all wonderful), but also know you’re gonna grow together. However, the real test of a relationship is as it grows in dark times. Times that you think that is definitely more. Are you grow together, or not grow apart?
2. Figure out how you fight.
Is Stonewall, gets defensive, and launching personal jabs to cause pain? Or, do you say how you feel, listen to your partner’s feelings, and communicate what you really need? In other words, you fight to hurt, or you struggle to grow?
3. Talk about money.
As uncomfortable talking about money as it can be, discussing finances and learning how each of you view money is super important. Discuss your goals, dreams and priorities and be open to have weekly or monthly meetings to see how things are lining up.
4. Communicate From your soul.
As a continuing relationship, and you get more into the sort of thing every day, you will lose that momentum soul digging it once had in the beginning where you want to pick the brains and hearts of others. Bring some of that communication soul back on a daily basis, you will be amazed at what transforms. Try it!
5. Be vulnerable.
Baring your soul and express how it feels really is a relationship of necessity. He used to take hours (OK … minutes! But it felt like hours!) Before leaving successfully something was nervous to tell my partner. But the more I voiced my truths, stronger than I (and we) won. In a relationship based on love, compassion and kindness, the expression of their vulnerabilities will only make you stronger.
6. Continue to their own growth.
Your partner will not complete you, meet all your emotional needs, and be responsible for the happiness of her every moment. You still have to prove himself and make his own work, either through journaling, meditation or yoga. Friends, mentors and teachers continue to play an important role in lighting up his soul. You’ll grow on their own, but will use the positive energy it provides to grow together.
7. Give in order to receive.
Want I feel more appreciated? I loved the most? Or more special? Let your partner know, but remember what we send back to the universe. Show your main squeeze so much appreciation, love and affection they want. A person can adjust the (love) tone, the spiral of their relationship to a new level. Do not be afraid to let that person is.
8. Be well with boredom.
We have been brainwashed movies, and social media to think that every moment of every relationship should be electric, happy and surprising channels. Actually, laundry, shopping, and cleaning the bathroom are not so hot. And that’s fine. Being able to be happy and work together “on the boring” is a sign of a real relationship.
9. Talk about sex.
Privacy is an important part of a relationship. Let your partner know what you like, do not like, if things have become boring – everything that is on your mind. If you are able to talk to their friends about it, you should be able to talk with your partner about it.
10. Align your core values.
Being different is totally cool, but not its core values align? For example, it is important that each of you family? Do you both have a strong sense of ethics and fairness? Is every compassionate people? The “subject area” means that each of you, but deep down makes things easy or difficult relationship.
11 Make Room for fun time together.
Fun adds lightness, energy, and a lot of happiness to even the best of relationships. Turn off, put the phone, direct your to-do list in the drawer, and have the same fun. You will not regret.