When I decided to move to Kauai as a single woman, my friends asked: “What will you do with meeting someone You know how small the island?” “Yes,” I reply, clear in my decision. “I have lived in large cities throughout life and never knew anyone there. Besides, I’m sure if anyone’m destined to meet, we will find each other.”
I did not know that five months after moving to a place he dreamed about living for a decade and a half, I actually find my true love, my soul mate. Somehow, I ended up in one of the most remote places, some inhabited world and found the man who is now my husband and the father of our son (who was born just a few weeks ago!).
After meeting with him, I realized how much work it took work to allow myself to open the opportunity to find my soulmate. Had I met even just six months earlier, it would have been a different person. I could have looked the other way or off our conversation when he started one day after we played softball on a local farm together.
Taking the risk of passing such a remote place he took me to the edge of what I knew about myself. I found myself exploring parts of my soul were still untamed. That’s when I found my soul Plug, tamed and untamed equal parts.
From the day we met, we both knew. Three weeks after intercourse, talking about starting a family. Four weeks, she was pregnant. Four months later, we were engaged. And two months later, we were married. People say that when it comes to soul mates, you know when you know. Now that I’ve found my soulmate, I realized it’s like understanding a common language, unique only to you and another person.
Here are five realizations I had after finding my true love who confirmed that this was really “that”.
1. My past relationships were not soul connections but stepping stones.
In my history dating, who had been in long term relationships with partners who thought he respected me until we started participating in games of power petty. I was not the nicest or the most mature people. One of my good guy friends even used to ask, “Do you only date idiots?”
My soul had a certain set of lessons I needed to learn that revolved around discover the real self; I had to learn that love is not finite or limited amounts, but really plentiful. Looking back, my past relationships were definitely not soul connections, but teachers towards finding my great love.
2. Svadhyaya (self-learning) is essential to find true love.
When I was in high school, I developed an eating disorder that plagued me for over 15 years. I ran as far from me as I could – all the way to Shanghai on the other side of the world. There, I found I could not escape myself. So I went into an intensive outpatient program had with regular therapy appointments for five years, I found yoga as a spiritual practice, read every book I could, met regularly with plenty of healers from all backgrounds, meditation discovered and I started working with life coaches.
From there, I had the opportunity to foster a new sense of acceptance. I really had to learn to love myself first before I could find someone who loves me. Otherwise, I would not have recognized true, great love when offered.
3. Forgiveness is a powerful healing practice.
Just before I met my great love, I wrote a list of all the men who had never left. Instead of remembering all the ways I thought that treated me unfairly, I examined my role in relationships and what God brought to my life.
The hardest part of being human is that nothing is completely black or white, good or bad. So after that I went through my list, I practiced forgiveness through the art of Ho’oponopono simple and powerful Hawaiian (“I love you, sorry, please forgive me, thank you” on repeat). Then I realized I had made peace with my past, and that forgiveness is a practice of force. It is a practice that we can return again and again.
4. My world opened up when I get carried away by the word “should”.
When I left in the understanding, “It’s this or something more,” my whole life changed. For example, my soulmate is not exactly the person I imagined love for the rest of my life. For one, their strength comes from the fact that he never tries to force anything and instead tends to go with the flow. Previously, I would have preferred someone who was aggressive, potentially even bordering on a bully.
However, when I submitted my own personal journey and finally began to see that it really did deserve kindness, my expectations about almost everything in my life changed. In doing so, I was attracted to a partner who did the same thing. And finally, I stopped pushing me the same thing I was asking all the time: a good kind of love. Sometimes we think we “should” have or do just fits into the old patterns, and keeps us stuck.
5. Having fun at the present moment is really very important.
I wanted to know how things would unfold. I grew up in a chaotic environment, so the very idea of control was comforting to me. But life is defined by the unexpected, fortunately and unfortunately. That’s what makes it so beautiful, right?
When it came to meeting someone new, I pulled myself jumping back next year and became more present to the moments that unfold before me. Through this practice, I enjoyed discovering my true love really was no expectation or a list of rigorous verification of the features that had to be met before I allow anything else to go on. It was as if the moment tuned me in this, I found it.
You can meet his great love happens just when it is assumed that if just around the corner or in a remote corner of the world. And, more importantly, can you be ready to receive him or her.