It’s a tragically common experience that often goes undiscussed.
Miscarriages are the most common form of what you would pick your Facebook newsfeed full of ultrasound, baby photos, and updates poop diapers.
10 women who become pregnant, one to two of them will lose their babies to miscarriage, according to Planned Parenthood. However, unfortunately, the silence surrounding miscarriage can make it even harder for women bear loss.
“For something that is so common, I really felt a sense of shame, as if he had done something wrong,” says Shelly N., 30, who has had three miscarriages. (She just gave birth to her second baby!) “Miscarriage, in my opinion, it is certainly not the most open manner to be discussed. But the more I talked about it, the less painful it was, and given realized he was not alone was very comforting. ”
We asked five women whose pregnancies were happy interrupted by miscarriages share how the experience affected their hearts, bodies and prospects of getting pregnant in the future. This is what they had to say:
“Things like,” just was not meant to be, ” was probably not something wrong with the baby, ” to have another baby, ” the time was not right, ‘- I know people have good intentions, but these comments can really sting when mourns loss and try to find peace. Actually there is a good explanation in the heart and mind of a mother for her missing son. I found most useful when people say ‘I’m sorry “or” I’m praying for you “No need to try to explain why this happened or solve the problem;.. Only recognition is useful While others are moving forward with life, you are in mourning, and most miscarriages, no ceremony and it is difficult to find closure. how long is long enough to think about it or mourn so long? What I tell aborted when people ask when or if you plan to have children when asked how many children I have, what miscarriages Tale “- Consuela P., her two miscarriages. She now has two children, a daughter and is pregnant with a child.
“Having a miscarriage takes all the joy out of being pregnant again. Each twinge and symptom requires an extensive Google search to be sure it isn’t the beginning of a miscarriage. I turned the light on every time I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night to be sure there was no blood for at least three months. After I started to feel the baby move and was past the point of all my previous losses, I started to worry less, but losing the baby was always in my mind.” – Shelly N., of her three miscarriages. She now has a son and baby daughter.
“Seeing the bright blue positive sign on the test floored me. I had been told from as early as 15 that I should not plan on getting pregnant because it most likely would never happen since I am 27 years old with type 2 diabetes and polycystic ovary syndrome. I even made my husband go out and pick up another test just to be sure. Unfortunately, by the time I took the second test, I had already started to have some spotting. Long story short, at the ob-gyn’s office, we could see the sac, but no fetal heartbeat. My head was spinning by the time I left her office. Soon after, the bleeding increased and I began to experience the worst pain that I’ve ever felt in my life. My husband stayed with me while I miscarried. My husband has been so amazingly supportive through all of this, but I still feel like I have let him down in some way. There is a part of me that is ashamed of having a miscarriage. I feel like, as a mother, I should have been able to somehow save our baby, to carry our baby to term. I live with that feeling every day.” – Keyonna B., of her miscarriage. She is currently working with an endocrinologist before trying again to conceive.
“I felt bad there waiting on my insurance to approve the D & C. My belly was growing and I still had morning / all day sickness. He hated having to look down at my belly in the shower or while dressed. There could . look in a full length mirror until the poor baby was out of my genetic tests showed she was a child, so we have always called his Kamryn “-. Shelly HF, their third of four miscarriages. She now has two sons and a daughter.
“I went to my first check around nine weeks without a care in the world. My first pregnancy was perfect textbook, and even a part of me had thought I should be worried. Even when I was taken to a machine ultrasound to a high-tech one, then an abdominal ultrasound machine for internal, still thought everything was fine. Until it was not, and there was no heartbeat. I was completely blinded. … One thing I guess I would say to other women is that there is no reason you need to keep it secret. I have found that often when you tell someone, have been through it, too. it does not necessarily help, but good to know that you are not alone. “- Natalie GM, its miscarriage. She now has a son.