Want more oral sex but feel weird about asking for it? Truth is, most guys really want to go below the belt—some just need a little more encouragement
They say all’s fair in love and war, but when it comes to go down, things are not. A half full of twenties boys revealed that they had received oral sex in the past month, compared with just over a third of women, by a recent study by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior.
While two thirds of the WH readers say they want that his uncle was going south more often, 49 percent are too shy to make the request. It’s time to even the score, sisters!
What’s Holding Him Back?
Before you can get him down to business, you need to figure out why he’s been lax. Chances are it’s not because he’s lazy.
1. Tunnel Vision
Guys can be so focused on sliding into home that they forget how mind-blowing—and necessary—clitoral stimulation can be for you, says sexuality counselor Ian Kerner, Ph.D., coauthor of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book. If your partner heads south only sporadically and doesn’t stay long, Kerner suggests you tell him that your orgasms from oral sex are often more intense than they are when he’s inside you, and that you’d like to finish that way once in a while before moving on to intercourse.
2. Mixed Signals
Nearly 63 percent of guys in a recent Men’s Health survey said that what keeps them from going down on a woman is her “no thanks” vibe. It could be that if you turned him down during your period or immediately post-gym, your guy may have gotten the impression that you’re not into oral at all. So clear things up. After the next time you take a trip downtown, during the afterglow, say something nonaccusatory like, “Hey, you’re so good at going down on me, and I’m dying for more,” suggests sex therapist Lori Hollander, founder of the Center for Real Intimacy in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
3. Performance Jitters
Can we all agree that a man’s tool is way easier to figure out than yours? Instead of fumbling around down there, some guys skip the whole thing for fear of embarrassing themselves. If your guy gives you oral but doesn’t seem able to get into a groove or if he constantly changes tongue techniques, he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing and is insecure about it. Kerner’s fix: Drop a line that’s both encouraging and educational, like, “I’ve been having these fantasies of us fooling around, and then you go down on me and really gently use your mouth, just tiny licks with the tip of your tongue.”
4. Bad Memories
A minority of men just don’t like giving oral sex, says clinical sexologist Amy Cooper, Ph.D., author of The Everything Orgasm Book. But it’s often because of a bad experience, like being with someone who freaked out, seemed disinterested, or had a vaginal infection and didn’t know it, she says. One approach: Take your action into the shower so he can feel confident about the freshness factor. Once that hurdle is cleared, he may feel less reluctant. If not, he may need therapy, says Cooper.
BE HIS GPS
Rather guide him without the gab? These nonverbal cues from WH Guy Next Door Matt Bean will have him headed in the right direction.
1. Try Lip-Syncing.
Take his hand while he’s going down on you and lick, kiss, and suck on the skin and fingertips, showing him how you’d like him to take care of you.
2. Make Some Noise.
Coo, ooh, and ahh your approval when you like what he’s doing, and quiet down when he strays off course. Help him go faster or slower by adjusting the rhythm or your sounds—he’ll move in a way that matches your tempo.
3. Lead Him On.
Warm things up by charting a course with your fingers for him to follow. You’ll point the way: Anywhere your fingers go, so should his mouth. Start with your inner thighs, then move to your lower stomach, then help him zero in on your sensory epicenter.