The good, the bad, and the tongue pain
The high-functioning part of the brain of a man basically turns the minute pants fall. Not that I think; our thoughts become just, well, simple. Nude woman. Should play.
But that changed when we go soon, suddenly, we have a goal. We need a strategy. And we need to silence me, me, me part of our brain enough to make you feel completely satisfied with your decision to get into bed with us. At the time, this is what your men probably thinking.
1. Is That It?
A man’s penis is easy to find. It’s all up in your face like a new Beyoncé song. But your clitoris? It’s more like an original-press Beatles album on vinyl. The early stuff, no less. You can spend hours in a record shop, flipping through the wrong piles. Then suddenly…there it is! Hallelujah!
2. Oh, No. It’s Stubble.
Those little one-sixteenth-inch hairs? They hurt. Don’t get us wrong—we’re still happy to be down here. But if you think about it before our next hook-up, a shave would be nice. Or maybe a wax? If that’s not your style, just grow it out a little so your pubes don’t feel like sandpaper.
3. Whoa. Great Angle.
It’s underboob city down here. You look fantastic. We’d be happy to snap some pictures if you’d like.
4. Wait…Was That an Orgasm?
Again with the mystery! When guys get off, you know it. First there’s the battle cry, and then there’s the stain on the sheets. But with women—most women, anyway—a man can never be totally positive. Plus, we hear you’re prone to faking it. We hope you’re being sincere this time.
5. I Sure Hope This Pays Off in a Blowjob.
One giveth and one receiveth, right? Right?!
6. So, Um, Am I Done Here?
If you didn’t get off, you’re going to let us know when we’re done, right? We don’t want to fall short on our oral duties, but as soon as you’re ready to move on, we are, too. Just let us know, okay?
7. Or Maybe We Should Turn This Party Into a 69.
Actually, nothing happens if you want to stay here for a while. But the longer we are buried between her legs, restless we get some action of ours. So if you are not ready to move forward, we will divide the workload. That’s teamwork.
8. Oh, No. Tongue Cramp.
Stall! Bring in the hand! Flex the jaw! No no, we’re fine. Thanks for asking. Now back to work.