Want To Fall In Love? Do These 3 Things

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Connection. It is something that we as human beings crave. And for good reason: research tells us that people who have high quality, long-term relationships have better emotional well-being, physical health and longer life.

But in the current era of constant distractions, how you can maximize the time is really going on with others to forge even deeper, more substantial connections?

A fascinating study of Arthur Aron and colleagues provides a scientifically proven way to achieve this goal of building intimacy with others. And in this particular study, connections deepened in just 45 minutes!

The foreign study paired and given a list of 36 questions which were all take turns answering. The questions were designed to increase steadily in terms of the degree of personal disclosure that requires study participants. So they went on: “Who would you like as a guest to the ideal dinner?” to “Share a personal problem and ask for advice to your partner about how he or she could handle it.”

The researchers found that after going through this exercise for 45 minutes, the study participants reported feeling much closer to their partners. In fact, they rated their relationship with their partners to be as close to the average relationship in your life (which is quite surprising, considering that they were strangers less than an hour before). This effect was maintained even if the participants disagreed on issues that were of great importance in their lives.

Interestingly, in a recent article in the New York Times, a woman who went through the exercise stated that this process resulted in a possible romantic relationship between her and her partner. Study investigators also reported that, in certain cases, marriages had resulted exercise.

Now, unless you want to get a list of 36 questions wherever you go, you’re wondering how you can apply these results to your own life. While memorizing some might not be a bad idea to start a conversation, here are some tips to build deep (and fast) connections, all based on scientifically proven wisdom!

1. Sharing personal information.
The researchers found that just spending time together engage in small talk did not increase the feeling of closeness. Instead, the most important factor in this experiment was that people were willing to reveal personal information about themselves. (Research has also shown that the simple act of sharing an important secret life with another person increases their natural levels of oxytocin (the hormone binding). So if you want to enjoy deeper relationships, be willing to get a little vulnerable.

2. Emphasize reciprocity.
To create a connection, both or all parties must participate. Have you ever seen a dating show where the guy spent the whole time dominate the conversation talking about himself? And also, are you at all surprised when during the briefing date, date declares that she did not enjoy the experience? If you like to talk about yourself, realize that while the other person may be learning a lot about you, they may not be feeling a deep connection with you. There needs to be conversational give and take for this to work.

3. If you are an introvert, set the intention to build closeness.
In the study, when extroverted were matched with each other, they became closer. However, when paired introverts only reported a stronger relationship when they were explicitly instructed to use the task to approach your partner. Because introverts can sometimes feel uncomfortable when interacting with strangers, the authors argued that explicit instruction for them to work in closer could have calmed slightly. With the convenience of the structure, they were enabled to better enjoy talking about deep issues (as opposed to small talk). Also, because some introverts tend to be more private, intend to build closeness can be encouraged to open up more than they would have done differently.

What is the bottom line not so shocking? We connect with others when we are willing to share aspects of ourselves, show vulnerability, and listen carefully to the experiences of others. Experiment with these tips and watch your relationships flourish!



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